


he makes me feel safe

by heronstairs_trash



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), TMI - Fandom, The Mortal Instruments
Genre: Jace cries a lot, M/M, Magnus and Maia and Alec realize Jace and Simon love each other before Jace and Simon do, Malec, Mutual Pining, casual sex turns into dating but they don't realize it, jimon, kinda smutty kinda fluffy, not slow burn at all I mean the first scene is low key phone sex, they love each other but don't know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2018-11-30 01:53:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11453517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heronstairs_trash/pseuds/heronstairs_trash
Summary: "Simon. just talk." Alec persisted, their training wasn't going to be efficient unless Simon's mind was clear, and Alec didn't mind listening to Simon vent. surely over the last few months Alec's shared things with Simon as they swung at each other back and fourth and Alec flipped Simon onto the floor every few minutes.Simon sighed and leaned on the wall. "right. it's....there's this boy." he explained."ah. there it is. what happened?" the tall shadowhunter questioned, sitting up on the table across from Simon.Simons voice was uneasy when he spoke, but filled with certainty and a hint of sadness, "I fell in love with him."





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon's dampened mood only lightened about ten minutes later when he opened a text from Jace. 
> 
> Jace Herondale : I'm home. I didn't die. can't wait to rock your world and blow your mind again tomorrow. also don't worry, you don't have to tell me- I already know I'm the best sex you've ever had, you're very welcome babe.

as soon as Simon sat back on his bed his phone rang, he answered it after seeing the name on his screen, his eye brows furrowed in concern as he spoke. 

"hey. everything okay?" Simon inquired 

"yeah, of course. just....you got home okay? I know you walked home alone and there are several people who want you dead." Jace's voice let out, when Simon realized no one was in immediate danger he relaxed a little. 

"oh. yeah, yeah- I'm good. I got back like an hour ago, you looked exhausted earlier Jace, what the fuck are you still doing up?" Simon let out, running his free hand through his hair before tucking it behind his head. 

"I was gonna shower and then sleep. I mean I was literally seconds away from getting in the shower when I called you." Jace answered. Simon could hear the water running in the back ground, but it got quieter, so he imagined Jace half dressed walking away from his bathroom and walking into his bedroom. 

"sounds fun." Simon quipped, Jace hadn't been the only one who was extremely tired and that left Simon with the inability to think of anything interesting to say. 

"I was planning on making the showering fun, yeah." the blonde on the other end of the line got out, Simon could hear the amusement in his voice and picture the grin on his face. 

"huh, a masturbation joke only seconds into our conversation, why am I not surprised?"

Jace let out a small laugh before responding, "I'm surprised by you pointing it out and not avoiding it. I didn't even think you were capable of saying the word masturbation." 

"listen, I've had a long day, and it's 3 am. 3 am is always weird."

"caught you at a perfect time then."

"speaking of, is this just a, 'hey simon I wanna have a conversation' call or a 'hey I actually need something' conversation. I don't mind either way, but if you need something, just ask Jace." Simon informed him. 

"I guess it's kinda both. I did kinda have a question I wanted to ask you."

"go for it." Simon offered, he was less concerned and more intrigued. 

Jace's question was said as almost blatantly as Simons answer. "are you straight?" Jace asked. 

"hell no. what makes you think I'm straight?"

"well you dated clary. and Maia. and got rock hard at the sight of izzy when you met her. I've only ever seen you check out girls." Jace explained. 

"so? i like guys too."

"interesting."

"also, for future reference, some people are not as comfortable with the fact that they aren't straight because this god awful heteronormative world, so it's not really polite to go around and ask that."

"Simon I'm lying naked on bed, and I just asked you if you were into guys- I'm not trying to be polite here."

"then what are you trying to do?"

Jace laughed, completely in awe by Simons inability to understand what was happening. 

"Simon....are you dressed?"

"I mean...kinda."

"so, you're in boxers and laying in your bed?"

"yep. I just got out of the shower."

"did you get off in there?"

"excuse- excuse me?"

"did you, or did you not touch yourself in the shower?"

"no." Simon replied quickly, weakly.

"good."

"uh...why?"

"because...Simon I told you I was going to get in the shower and jack off, but instead I'm now laying naked in my bed on the phone with you-"

"what do you keep bringing up the fact that you're naked? all it's doing is...."

"what? what is it doing?"

"just...it's...nothing. nothing for me. it's sound....nothing for me. I....I was saying, uh. it's just- very Jace of you to mention. you know? and it's got nothing to do with what we're talking about." Simon recovered. 

"Simon."

"huh?" Simons voice was shaky, he knew Jace had caught him in admitting Jace saying he was naked made Simon get hard, and Jace knew it.

"that is the point of this conversation."

"what?"

"once again, I was going to get off in the shower, but instead I'm here. talking to you. and I was thinking to my self, what's better than getting off in the shower?"

"uh, you going off and finding someone to have sex with? I doubt you have a lack of people lining up for that."

"you're correct there. But I don't wanna leave my room."

"so watch porn, dude."

"wow, 3 am you is a different you." 

"sorry." He muttered, "I don't...I-"

"Simon-"

"stop saying my name, would you? at least wait until it's not 3 am and It's a time when I don't know if your naked or not."

"why? why is me being naked and saying your name a problem, Simon?"

"uh, it's not."

"right, but you said-"

"I didn't say anything. it's 3 am, shut up."

"you're such a dumb ass."

"why?"

"cause if you hadn't interrupted me so many times we could be done by now and this could be over."

"what could be over? If you wanted to hang up-"

"no. not that."

"what?"

"will you promise to let me finish what I'm going to say this time and not interrupt me with some complaint that what I'm doing is making your dick hard?"

"I haven't been...I'm not- I..i-"

"just promised to keep your mouth closed until I'm done talking."

"okay."

"okay. well for some odd reason, of all the people I could call with this, I called you. I didn't want to just jack off in the shower, as fun is it might sound, I know you'd never get tired of touching me, I wanted it to be...more...interesting this time. you get what I'm saying?"

"no. not at all."

"Simon, please put your hand down your god damn boxers and jack off so we can get off to the sound of each other moaning. okay? does that sound worth this phone call?" Jace asked.

"Fuck." Simon breathed out. "I...fuck- sorry I didn't...I...uh- are you joking? I mean like you said you have several other people you could call, and there's no way in hell you'd be calling me if you were serious."

"listen, can you save the self depreciation for another time? I'm serious and I'm horny and if this doesn't fix my little need that's been eating at me that consists of me bending you over the nearest surface and fucking you until you can't walk for a while- then the next time I see you, I might have to do just that. so help me out here, would you? and just imagine it's my hand around that cock of yours. stop talking and stop thinking and just do it, yeah?"

"okay." 

"good boy."

and simon sets his phone next to him and puts it on speaker and he knows Maia isn't home but he still quickly locks the door and on his way back into bed he takes his boxers off.

seconds later, they're touching their selves and moaning. Jace's breathing is fucking Simon up and Simon- because Jace's is on speaker too- can hear Jace's hand touching himself and sliding up and down Jace's dick and after three minutes, Jace- who's hardly breathing steadily goes, "hey simon-"

"yeah? Fuck I knew this was a joke-"

"no, dumb ass, stick your fingers up your ass."

"uh...I...now?"

"yeah- I mean I wanna know what it sound like if we were fucking, I'll go slow until you get three fingers in. I mean I highly doubt you're so ambiguous that you've got lube and a dildo in your drawer next to your bed."

"yeah I do- actually." Simon breathed out, without even thinking about it, his hand was still on his dick and Jace's moans were echoing in his mind. 

"holy fuck. okay- uh...definitely uh...yeah, you wanna stick that up your ass then, for me?" the blonde questioned, a touch of enticement and control in his voice that made volts shoot through Simons body. 

"damn. Jace..okay...yeah...."

Jace could hear the container of lube open up and he continued to stroke his dick but slowly, and he imagined him and Simon, they were too busy to have sex or they didn't have enough time, or their just making out and Simon decided to give him a hand job. 

a few seconds later, Jace got brought to reality by Simons rapid breaths- Simon still wasn't used to the fact that he didn't need to breath. 

"what? is it almost in all the way? I know it's probably not as big as I am, but as long as it does the job, just, pretend it's me, pretend it's my cock in your ass, Simon, pretend that's my hand around you. come on Simon, don't be quiet, I wanna hear those moans baby." Jace egged him on and tried to sound like he had composure, despite the fact that he was struggling to think. he just wanted to hear Simon moaning again. 

"fucking hell Jace, Jesus fucking Christ-"

"Damn. someone's got a mouth on them. watch the language." Jace got out. 

"either moan or keep talking about your dick, because I'm not about to bicker with you in this current moment." he heard Simons voice was wavering just like his was, both of them horny as hell and ready to get off- but they still found it in them to rile each other up.

"very demanding. Pretty pushy for a bottom, don't you think?"

"Jace." Simon whined.

"right, yeah- not the time." he agreed. 

and within seconds it's just them moaning again and Jace's ragged breaths and them moaning each other's names and simons very vocal and whiny. Jace can hear simon biting his lip to try and suppress how vocal he wants to be, he can tell due to the muffled and strained whines, which we're still hot. 

"no, no- don't bite your lip. don't try and be quiet, I like the mouthy ones, it does wonders for my ego."

"Fuck you" Simon shot back, very weakly. 

Simons words and moans get more uneven and ragged as almost finishes. "Jace- I..."

"just hold it baby, a few more seconds and then..."

"I can't I'm- I'm.. I- I...Jace."

"Christ- okay, do it. finish- I'm...me too..."

 

almost simultaneously they let out that sigh signaling they finished together. they both breathe for a little while, Simon shifts to pull the dildo from his ass, but the way he has to sitting so he could have the dildo in, he got cum all over his sheets and his hand. 

Jace laid there a few moments with his cum coating his stomach and his hand. 

"fuck." Simon whispered.

"what? clary wanted us to get along. her ex boyfriends, you don't think this is what she had in mind?" Jace's voice went right back to being filled with confidence and hints of an unwavering god complex.

"uh...um...Well...I think she was hoping for us to just not argue every day." 

"that's just not realistic, is it? and this was much more fun. I'm gonna go shower, because thanks to you I'm kinda a mess."

"thanks to me? this was your idea."

"I know. I was saying thanks, it's a good thing."

"right. well...I should...probably-"

"clean up?"

"yeah."

"yeah. good night Simon."

"Good night Jace. have a nice shower....or whatever...I guess- yeah."

"I will.....I guess." He says mocking Simon before hanging up. 

 

~~~~

 

for the next three days Simon and Jace never actually found time to hook up, they never talked about it either, it was all over the phone. sometimes even texting. Jace found it best to text Simon in the most inappropriate times, for example- the situation they were currently in. 

"- and we believe we will be able to stop Sebastian, everyone is full aware of his growing inability to be caught and his dangers we can't match, however-" robert lightwood was speaking in front of the whole institute, downwolrders and clave members in the like, everyone in direct contact with the Sebastian case, however Simons phone buzzing drew him out of focus and he looked down at a text very subtly 

 

Jace Herondale : wish we were upstairs in my room right now. can't believe we haven't gotten the chance to actually touch each other. I can't wait to make you cum in person 

Simon looked up to meet Jace's eyes across the room, but he had his arms crossed and was looking at Robert, his back was in a corner and Alec and Magnus stood a few feet away. Simon quickly texted back. 

Simon Lewis : Jesus Christ your dad is speaking right now. this isn't the time to get me worked up.

Simon watched Jace grin when Jace felt the response of his phone, he took it out and with a straight face sent this in response 

Jace Herondale : so, who cares if my dad is speaking? your daddy is texting you and he wants to get you all hot and bothered 

Simon Lewis : fuck.  
Simon Lewis : I'm in skinny jeans??? if you give me a boner it'll be obvious and I'll kill you.

Jace Herondale : okay. don't think how it's gonna feel when I'm touching your cock.

Simon Lewis : babe stop it. or I won't answer your 3 am calls for a week.

J : fine. don't think about how it's gonna feel the first time I'm pounding into you, the first time my dick is inside that nice ass of yours, and my hands reached around touching your dick. it's gonna feel so good. so nice. won't it?

S : fuck yes. worth the wait, I just want you to touch me.

Simon watched Jace bite his lip in response and tuck his phone away as the room dispurst to do what they were just assigned to do. 

Simon was waiting on Maia to walk back to the Jade Wolf with outside when Jace found him first, "you should be getting ready to go out with izzy. I can wait, those demons are killing people." Simon informed Jace who smiled as he pressed Simon against the wall. "I'm fully aware, I've been doing this shadow hunting thing for a while....also, izzy and I will be gone for a while, so don't think about getting off until I come home and call you, okay?" Jace breathed into Simons ear, he pressed his lips to Simons neck- their first act of contact since the phone call, Simon just nodded as his fingers dug into Jace's sides

 

Jace pulled away momentarily but he pressed their hips together before speaking, "thought you said if I gave you a boner then you wouldn't answer my calls? what happened to that?"

"I think I'll stick to it, instead of calling me why don't you just come over?"

Jace actually kisses Simon, they both felt it in their whole bodies and Jace pulled away and retorted with, "I think I might just do that." before walking back inside. 

Simon cursed under his breath and had very little time to mentally recover before Maia came out to walk with him.  
_

After discussing the werewolves, and Simon's, part in all of this, finding Sebastian and the army he was raising, and then running a quick errand for the pack with Maia, Simon headed back to their place while Maia headed out to the bar to work. 

Jace, after technically breaking into Simon's and Maia's place followed the music to Simons room. Simon was asleep on the bed across the room but Jace couldn't help but grin, the room was so unapologetically Simon. 

 

Simons room was fairly large. the door opened and was in the far right corner of the room. and there was queen size bed in the middle of the room on the opposing wall, the bed was queen sized and was on a nice black frame about a foot off the ground. and around the bed on the wall was posters, bands and nerd stuff that Jace wasn't familiar with. on one side of the bed a few feet away, pressed against the wall was a small bed side table and the other side was a small book shelf with his guitar against it, above the small book case and the bed stand where windows with black curtains over them, a third window was on the wall right wall left of the wall the door was against. On that wall there was also another fairly large book case stood against a wall with way too many books crammed in there as neatly as possible, a few picture frames and several knick knacks littered the book shelf and the whole bottom shelf was comic books. Next to the book shelf was table with a record player on it and a stereo next to it, under the table was two crates, one with records and one with cds. Jace knew enough about the world to know record players were out of date and Simon was a huge nerd. above the record player and CD player, records hung on the wall. his tv rested on a dresser directly opposite the bed, and an xbox 360 and a game cube were on the floor next to it, wires running nearly between them so nothing looked messy. 

there was a desk next to the bathroom door- the bathroom door was behind the bedroom door and you couldn't even tell it was there unless the bedroom door was closed, there was a chair tucked into the desk, his laptop was closed on top of it, and it had picture frames and things scattered all over it above it was a small shelf that had been put in the wall and a few more books were on that, separated by some more knick knacks. and in the space on the wall between the desk and the shelf on the wall, three rows of string had been put up, close pins attached holding pictures to it. it was cute. Jace had the urge to wake Simon up and ask about everything, he wanted to know what it all was, he wanted to hear Simon talk about it for hours and even if Jace wouldn't have found it interesting before Simon, he would be now. if Simon liked it, he wanted to like it. 

not one inch of Simons room wasn't exploding with character and pop culture, it didn't disappoint, Simons closet- the doors had been removed and you could see the shirts hung up on one side and a mesh cubby hung up in there where black jeans were folded up and placed in each level, several pairs of converse littered the bottom of the closet floor and there was a laundry basket tucked away In there. basically, the whole room screamed Simon. There was even a god damn lava lamp.

 

Jace took it all in, the posters that littered the walls, everything that made Simon who he was- he pushed it to the back of his mind as he closed the door quietly behind him and kicked his shoes off and dropped his jacket on the chair tucked into the desk as made his way over to the bed. Jace climbed into it and looked at Simon for a while, "hey dumbass." Jace let out endearingly and he watched Simon tense up and slightly jump, without opening his eyes, but a grin pulled as his lips, "hey. you and izzy find anything? are you both alright?" Simon said quizzically, "it was just going through the office of someone Sebastian was using to get information, we didn't find much, and Sebastian has already killed him. there was no one we had to fight, which is a bummer, cause you know how much I love physical activity." Jace informed the boy, who opened his eyes to let Jace know he was rolling them, but then he leaned forward and kissed him. 

 

after only a few moments simon was already tugging at Jace's shirt- he pulled it off over his head before leaning back down to kiss the brunette underneath him. "impressed?" Jace wondered cockily as Simons eyes flickered raked up Jace's abs- Simons seen Jace shirtless but never in such an intimate setting. that question prompted Simon to roll his eyes and scoff before retorting with, "were you raised by gym equipment?" 

Jace let out a small laugh at that question before nodding yes as he reached down to undo his jeans, the only thing simon had been sleeping in was a tshirt and boxers- it didn't take much to undress him. Simon was a little annoyed by the amount of time it took for Jace to take all the weapons he had off his person, a frustrated and naked Simon was sitting up on his elbows as yet another weapon Jace pulled from his clothing- hidden in unnecessary places.

"what? I'm prepared?"

"for what exactly? an a army?" Simon joked as Jace climbed back on top of him. "don't worry, I'll make it up to you for keeping you waiting. i know how much you need me." Jace teases, Simon didn't have it in him to be annoyed by the enormous ego Jace had in this current moment. 

within minutes Jace had Simon on his hands and knees on the bed, Jace with a hand digging into Simons hip as he helped him get into rhythm- them both muttering and breathing intensely. 

"fuck, fuck- Jace-" Simon breathed out as Jace's body repetitively pushed against Simons. Jace's head titled back momentarily as the feeling of being inside Simon, the noise of their skin against each other's, and their moaning was something he never knew he needed this badly. it was borderline euphoric. 

after they both finished they were laying side by side on the bed, Jace catching his breath. "that was...most definitely worth the wait." He informed Simon who pulled his boxers back on before laying back. 

Simon prepared mentally for being able to sleep next to Jace, he didn't know why it gave him a peculiar feeling in his stomach, he didn't know why he was excited to wake up next to the blonde, Simon theorized in his mind it had something to do with the fact that they could have sex again when they woke up- but that led to him imaging how warm Jace is, he's familiar with his body now, but not in a non-sexual way. Simon went to say something as Jace stood up, "we can do this again tomorrow yeah? text me if you've got anything to do." Jace's voice was void of any emotion, not even satisfaction lingered. all of Simons accumulated thoughts of Jace faded away and Simon chose ignore the sinking feeling in his chest.

"yeah. okay." Simon said as Jace got dressed quickly, tucking back weapons and even sliding a knife into his boot as he pulled those on.

"I can walk you to the door-" Simon went to offer, "it's alright. I know where it is." Jace waved it off, "at least text me when you get home, would you?" Simon inquired, Jace looked up at him from where he was leaning down to pull his left boot on.

"why?" Jace asked cocking his head.

"so I know you didn't get murdered or something."

an emotion appeared on Jace's face but it disappeared almost quicker than it showered up, Jace just shrugged in response and left the bedroom

 

Simon sat up as he heard the front door shut and had the urge to break something in frustration but he didn't quite know why. instead he pushed all thoughts of Jace away and stripped the sheets of his bed and went to throw them in the wash. Jace had completely made a mess.

 

Simon's dampened mood only lightened about ten minutes later when he opened a text from Jace. 

Jace Herondale : I'm home. I didn't die. can't wait to rock your world and blow your mind again tomorrow. also don't worry, you don't have to tell me- I already know I'm the best sex you've ever had, you're very welcome babe.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace feels panic hit his chest all the sudden when he realized he was going to respond with, "I know. that's one of the reasons I hate you, but also why I love you."   
> Simon crinkles his eyebrows at Jace's sudden tenseness, "are you okay?" Simon questioned, "did I say something wrong?"

after three days of Jace and Simon's 'strictly-sex relationship', it was no longer strictly sex. the only person who knew of their co-mingling was Maia, but that's because they didn't hide it from her and she wouldn't say anything. Maia offer brought home food for her and Jace, knowing he'd be there. the first month of Jace and Simon hooking up, there were only two nights they spent apart.

Maia found it quite irritating they only believed they were fuck buddies, because fuck buddies don't cuddle on the couch, go on dates, have a genuine interest in the other persons life and feelings. fuck buddies don't hold hands and comfort each other and say things only to make the other person smile. sometimes the two of them were so disgustingly cute, Maia would lock eyes with the other and give them that look- it was a look Maia had down, that indicating she knew something was up, that Simon sitting across Jace's lap or between his knees messing with Jace's hands wasn't as meaningless as both boys wanted it to be.

 

they had been becoming rapidly more couple-y ever since the third full day Jace spent at Maia and Simons apartment. They were teaching Jace to play the video game Maia and Simon had been playing. Maia doesn't know exactly what changed but after that day, there wasn't a time that the two boys weren't conjoined at the hip or smiling at each other in the apartment. 

the day they taught him to play the video game, things had changed, with good reason. Simon had given Jace his controller and was extremely sweet in explaining the fundamentals of the game to Jace.

"it helps if you keep your hand like this." Simon was explaining reaching to touch Jace and press his hands where they needed to be, aside from soon and Jace's usual banter- it was incredibly kind. Jace tried to focus, because he really did find this all interesting, after the first time Jace made an annoyed huff of breath, Simon looked at him and smiled, "relax would you? it's a game, you're good at everything. it'll come to you." Simon laughed. 

when Jace didn't say anything back, but looked to the tv screen, he could feel Simons eyes on him and that concerned expression paint across Simons face. he knew something was bothering Jace that wasn't the game but didn't press it until later on in Simons room. 

that night didn't consist of sex but Jace crying because when he was younger, valentine taught him everything- and Jace hasn't ever learned something that didn't involve a process of him getting hurt or emotionally scared, valentine teaching him to fight was Jace being pushed to his limits, blood and sweat and never coddling, he learned how to deal with people through loving a falcon and then watching it die, he learned piano through getting his hands nearly broken every time he messed up. it never really occurred to him how horrid that was until Simon didn't get impatient with him once, it was pure joy on Simons face the whole time- only caring about if Jace was having fun. when Jace said this aloud he tried to play it off, and act as if he was just being dramatic, but when Simon hugged Jace- Jace just started crying. Simon let Jace cry into his shoulder and hold onto him for half the night. Simon let him know it was alright, and Simon spent time convincing Jace that he'd never be in that position he had been in with valentine again, hurt and fear isn't a way to teach someone and that Jace deserved better. only few people in Jace's life actually made him feel like that- that he deserved better, that his happiness mattered, those people are Alec, Izzy, Maryse, Magnus- and now Simon. Jace decided to ignore the severity of that and how much Jace had to care about Simon to fell that way, it was easy to ignore that feeling that night when Jace was busy falling asleep with Simons fingers running through Jace's blonde hair over and over again.

 

\----

Jace walked into Simons bedroom, Simon was showering and Jace thought about joining him but he took his time to carefully look at Simons bedroom, he'd been through every inch of it, asked about everything, it reminded him of weeks upon weeks back the first time he came in here and had no idea what any of it meant- the bobble heads and merch from countless geeky things Simon was into. Jace, surprisingly was into some of the things too. the room had changed some since Jace saw it the first time- Simon had a habit of rearranging at 3 am and Jace would walk and nothing would be in the right spot, that or the book shelf would be rearranged and new posters would be on the wall. now the room mostly only obtained stuff both boys enjoyed- or at least things tolerable from Jace's standards. there was now a mirror on the desk that had pictures of Simon and Jace tucked all around it- over the course of the last twelve weeks- they had accumulated several of them. in the top right corner of the mirror Jace had written in blue paint marker and it read, 'Jace was here, and I beat Simon at Mario Kart today because he sucks' and under neath was the date he had written it. that was almost three weeks ago and the memory still made him grin. the only reason Jace won is because he stole Simons controller from him and hid it under the couch. Maia had been watching all this from the chair, technically she had won Mario kart- but Jace still beat Simon and that's all that matters. Jace had rubbed it in Simons face the rest of the day, "it doesn't matter if technically I cheated, I beat you. the screen said I was in third and you were in last."

"because for two laps I didn't have-"

"doesn't matter." Jace grinned. he remembers Simons bright smile and bright eyes, even though his words hinted at him being annoyed, he wasn't, and it was too obvious. Simons voice brought Jace out of that memory. 

"hey babe. you alright?" Simon asked coming out of the bathroom. Jace took one look at him and rolled his eyes, Simon clad in Batman boxers.

"hey. of course. Just, it seems like every day somehow your room gets nerdier. Wasn't this in your box of stuff at Rebecca's house?" Jace asked picking up a figurine from supernatural off Simons desk. "I have a few of them. I thought you said you didn't mind the nerdiness?" Simon asked as he sat on the edge of the bed. "I don't." Jace's voice was blank, just because he was distracted looking at the pictures of them.

"you...don't have to pretend. If you don't. I don't mind not talking about it. you'd tell me if you got bored of it all right? the video games and me accidentally spending way to long explaining my thoughts on some movie you haven't even seen. it's just...whatever, it's not- I've always had hyper fixations on things, I get it I'd you're not into it. we can always wait till Maia leaves and have sex in the living room."

and Jace looks at Simon, "I don't mind it. You know that, I think it's cute. I wouldn't pretend to be interested in something if I wasn't, I know I can have sex with you anytime I want too, I don't have to pretend to like something to get sex out of you, Simon. come on." 

"you can't get sex out of me anytime you want it." Simon said defensively, "oh come on. you always want me." Jace shot back. 

"says who?"

Jace pulled his shirt off over his head and looked at Simon, he took three steps and stood between Simons knees and then kneeled down, "you sure you don't always want me?" Jace teased, pulling at the hem of Simons boxers. 

Simon shifted, "you promise you don't mind me talking all the time about annoying stuff?" Simon asked one last time as he got up only far enough to let Jace pull Simons boxers off. 

 

"none of it's annoying, and I can listen to you talk all day." Jace promises him as he leaned down and kissed the inside of Simons thigh. and he kept kissing it and up his body, finally resting his lips above Simons dick  
"Jace." Simon got out. 

"hm?"

"you're being a tease."

"you like it." Jace insisted as he eased Simons dick into his mouth. 

 

\-   
Jace comes home exhausted around 11 one night, the new leather jacket izzy had bought him pulled around his body. Izzy and Simon got on real well, even before she started dating clary- Simon and izzy had been getting closer as friends, and when Jace and izzy were our shopping together- he was simultaneously texting both of them. izzy about how impressive it is that she can kill demons in shoes like that, and that he agreed she looked nice in everything, he would be texting Jace about essentially the same thing, "she's looking at eight inch heels. who taught her how to kill demons in eight inch heels. Simon sometimes izzy scares me" Jace would say before sending him pictures of him essentially naked in the dressing room even though he was just getting a jacket. 

so he knew how long izzy and Jace had been out shopping today, Jace had also been up since four am, he went running with Alec, came back and showered before going to breakfast with Simon and Maia at Rebecca's house, he and Magnus watched some tv show, and then Jace had a patrol, he workout, and essentially spent the whole day not sitting down. the exhaust was clear on his face 

 

"baby I'm going to go to sleep for four days straight. wake me up on Monday, yeah?" Jace huffed pulling Simon half on top of him. 

"alright. let me turn the tv off-" Simon begun reaching for the remote. 

"we can watch another one of your nerd movies as we fall asleep ." Jace told him, and Simon looked up.

 

"what nerd movie do you wanna watch? I own almost all of them." Simon told him, a grin on his face. "what's in the Xbox? I really don't want you to get up and walk across the room to pick a different one out." Jace muttered running a hand through Simons hair.

"The labyrinth."

"what's that about?" Jace inquired, recognizing the name from a tshirt Simon owns. "Nothing interesting. it's kind of weird and from the 80s so the animation is creepy and it terrifies me just because the effects are bad, I don't even think I like the movie...I used to watch it over and over when I was a kid though."

"Why?"

"David Bowie."

"who?"

"oh...dear. Jesus, sometimes you say things and my heart just shatters. uh, he's a musician- was. he died like last year but his music is iconic, I loved the man. I was like eight when I watched it. freaked me out back then, still does." 

"oh! You've mentioned David Bowie before. you told me him and Will Smith were the main reasons you realized you liked guys."

Simon nodded, "I cannot believe you remember that." 

"I wanna see it." Jace pressed. 

"no, it's- terrible. there's actual singing in the movie. and it makes no sense."

"Simon can we watch it?" 

Simon shrugs and reaches across Jace to grab the emote that plays the movie. the whole time simon keeps his face in Jace's chest looking at the tv. and Jace has a hand running through Simons hair, every time Jace looks down and Simons mouthing the words to the movie, it's the cutest thing. Half way through the movie Jace still isn't asleep and he's thinking about what Simon said when he was talking about the movie- which prompts Jace to ask, "so where's the creepy part?"

"the whole movie. Those goblin things don't give you the heebie-jeebies?" Simon inquired,

"no." Is all Simon got in response, Simon didn't have to look up to know Jace was smiling though.

"does anything give you the heebie-jeebies?" Simon let out quizzically.

"not really." 

"nothing? not like...any of the demons you fight? not one of them just...freak you out? what about snakes? spiders? the ocean? sharks? heights? public speaking?" Simon continued, he had pushed up Jace's shirt and was tracing one of Jace's runes on his ribs. Jace shrugged. 

"heavy storms, I guess" Jace says and Simon looks up before shifting up a little to kiss and then puts his head back on Jace's chest. 

"you know, I like that you're kinda scared of something. I like it that you can say it, it makes me feel better knowing you'll talk about things sometimes, months ago you wouldn't have told me that." Simon muttered, and Jace kisses Simon. 

 

Jace feels panic hit his chest all the sudden when he realized he was going to respond with, "I know. that's one of the reasons I hate you, but also why I love you."   
Simon crinkles his eyebrows at Jace's sudden tenseness, "are you okay?" Simon questioned, "did I say something wrong?" 

Jace shook his head no and just leaned back, "no." Jace said pulling Simon closer to him. 

 

when Simon wakes up a few minutes later after accidentally dozing off, Jace was gone. Simon hoped Jace had only gotten up to get water or something to eat, but the way Jace reacted to Simon telling him he worried about Jace, something told Simon that Jace had left the apartment. so the vampire got kept awake for another hour or so despite being aggravatingly tired wondering what he said that was wrong. he and Jace were personal like that all the time, sometimes Simon realized they said things a little too intense and to keep Jace from realizing it, he'd kiss him or talk about something else.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon sighed and leaned on the wall. "right. it's....there's this boy." he explained. 
> 
> "ah. there it is. what happened?" the tall shadowhunter questioned, sitting up on the table across from Simon. 
> 
> Simons voice was uneasy when he spoke, but filled with certainty and a hint of sadness, "I fell in love with him."

the next morning after Jace disappeared from his and Simon's room, he emerged from the spare room at Magnus and Alec's loft. he could've gone to the institute, it was closer, but with the conflicted way Jace was feeling, he needed a place that felt safe to him. besides Simons and Maia's-he needed another place where people unconditionally cared for him. 

Jace heard Alec and Magnus say their goodbyes to one another as Alec left the loft to go do a patrol for the institute, he heard only the 'I love you' that the two of them exchanged as Jace went to go shower.

when Jace gets out he wanders into the kitchen to find Magnus making coffee. Jace doesn't say anything but he stares at Magnus pretty intently. Magnus doesn't seem bothered by his presence. 

"uh, Magnus." Jace finally breathes out. 

"yes?" He inquired, Jace watched Magnus' eyebrow raise up. 

"I need your help."

"ah. hence the hovering and intense staring, well...is it a potion that needs to be made? a book I need to find? or do I have to get dressed and-"

"no. it's...not...it's like a personal..thing. I guess. I mean I know that's probably bothering you too, and I'm sorry but-"

"no, don't be. you never both me Jace. I just...assumed...you know you needed the warlock aspect of me."

"no. um, I need the wise and always know what to do side. if that's....I mean I can always ask izzy, sorry-"

"Jace, just ask. it's fine, darling." Magnus smiled turning fully to Jace now. 

"I...it's about...uh..so there's this person..." Jace's voice trailed off as he watched magnus' eyes go wide. 

"oh. you actually mean personal- this is like relationship. this is...Jace coming to me with his feelings. okay, big deal." Magnus explained and just stopped whatever he was doing and motioned for Jace to follow him and they went into the living room and sat across from each other.

"so, come on. tell me." Magnus insisted.

"this person...we started off...just hooking up."

"how? I mean I don't want detains of the encounter...but what led up to it?"

"well it was over a phone call." Jace shrugged. 

"you planned to have sex over a phone call?" Magnus questioned, there was no judgement in his voice, a hint of surprise but that's all. 

"no. we....together. on the phone." The blonde clarified. 

"oh. oh, Jace. okay."

"yeah. and for a few days it was just on the phone, all the time. I...I mean I knew I liked them before but I suppressed it...for a while, and then one morning at 3 am I was feeling cocky and called them like it was nothing and it was a casual thing to do. and then....we finally...." Jace didn't see why he was nervous to recall the events, he'd bragged about hook ups several times before. 

"yeah." Magnus nodded. 

"right so for like a solid week it was just sex. sorry if that's-"

"no. It's quite alright, I've been around a while, I'm used to that term."

"right. yeah. but then..it was more...and I don't think- this person takes it that way. they're just...sort of nice, and so to them it's hanging out and sex."

"and to you?" Magnus inquired, crossing his legs and leaning forward. Jace shrugged before saying,  
"Magnus Im totally in love."

"oh dear." magnus let out, the way Jace said it was so abrupt and the feelings lingering in Jace's voice let magnus know how serious he was. 

"it's been five months since the phone call." Jace admitted. 

"five- five months?!"

"yeah."

"and you haven't brought this to..Alec or izzy-"

"it makes it real. I mean, this makes it real too. I just....you know everything. izzy acts like she does but she tells me what I want to hear, and I'll definitely tell Alec about it soon...if he doesn't already suspect I'm with someone. but I don't know there are just things that...."

"yeah, he has said he can feel you, you've got conflicted emotions, but you're happy. and he has tried to bring it up with you but you told him there's nothing to talk about. he knows there's someone, you said you'd talk to him when you needed it." Magnus recalled, Jace nodded. 

"it's just...this person is so.." Jace didn't really know exactly how to describe Simon without getting upset, he just simply rubbed his hands over face sighing. 

"let me guess, some cute new shadowhunter at the institute, she came in to help on the valentine case and one of the ones that stayed-"

"it's a guy and it's a down worlder." 

and Magnus stops. "oh."

"I don't care about those things, that's not why I'm not telling anyone. it's..neither of us we're ready for an intense relationship, you know with all I've been going through it just seemed like the stupidest idea...but...I- don't even think I've flirted with anyone since that day. I mean, I'm like tragically in love- head over heels, crying about it, but suffering happily and....it's the stupidest thing I've ever done. clary made me feel reckless and nervous and I thoughts that's what it was, instant....but he makes me comfortable, and...I told him I was afraid of storms. you know who knows that? Alec. and...now you. and that's it. after valentine raising me....I've never been...I don't tell people I'm afraid, I go do reckless things and kill things. but he knows what I'm feeling and he tells me I'm repressing feelings. and it makes me so annoyed because it's like half as bad as Alec, and why on earth would I want you two and this boy telling me to be careful and i shouldn't be reckless? why would I fall in love with him? he knows when I think I don't deserve happiness or anything ever good and he makes me talk about it. what does that....who does that? you know what he said to me once?" Jace inquired looking up at Magnus, finally meeting his eyes. 

"hm?" Magnus questioned, not wanting to actually talk in case it would break Jace out of his ramble. Magnus wanted him to talk as long as he needed. 

"Word for word he said to me, '"I'm sorry the world taught you pain when you deserved joy. they can't raise you all like weapons and not expect it to break you a little. I wish I could go back and make sure everything was happier for you,'.....that's what he said. who....who- I fell in love with someone who makes me want to be happier for myself. what the fuck is wrong with me Magnus?" Jace asked, crying. he's been crying for a while and Magnus just let him, and he pulled Jace into him. and Jace buried his face into magnus' neck. 

as they pulled apart Jace begun to apologize, "'m sorry. I'm okay."

"darling, who ever this boy is, what he said to you...he's got to know you pretty well. he's got to have some feelings for you."

"what if he doesn't? why would he?"

" you're an angel, literally and metaphorically speaking, okay? say this boy doesn't love you back, that happens, that's okay. you let the love shape you into who you want to be, and you let it positively change you. that's what he wants for you right?"

Jace nodded. "Okay. say he does love you back, which is a large possibility- you know you can still keep it quiet, right? I know you love him, but if you really are scared and think you're not fit for a serious relationship, that's okay. either way, talk to him darling. that's better than this, right?" 

Magnus asked grabbing Jace's hands, "i suppose." Jace shrugged.

"it'll all be okay."

"I really love him. no ones....he makes me feel safe. in five months. well... a little longer....there's three people in my whole life that make me feel safe. izzy, you, and Alec. I can't lose-"

"I know." Magnus said squeezing his hands and Jace hugged Magnus and thanked him.

"sorry we always come to you with our problems, but you know I wouldn't mind if you needed my help daily, right? I mean I know dealing with Alec can be a handful. plus...you've got...a shit ton more of baggage, no offense- you know what I'm saying. I'm here for you too."

"thank you Jace." and Jace nods and squeezes magnus' hands once and then Magnus makes Jace tea to soothe his nerves.

"does Alec know you like guys too? I know he's not one to just assume someone's straight, but you have blatantly only ever flirted with girls that I've seen." magnus asked as he handed Jace a cup of hot tea. Jace nodded, "yeah, I've never hidden it. he and izzy, when we were in idris once we were working with this trainer and they came in to us half dressed in the door way. they don't care." Jace shrugged. 

 

the two of them continued talking and Jace wandered where Simon was. 

~~  
coincidentally, Simon wasn't the only one dealing with their relationship. after Jace disappeared last night, Simon hadn't spoken to him at all, and it's really eating away at him. at the institute only hours later, after Alec finished patrol and begun training with Simon like they usually do- even Alec noticed something was off.

Simon was on the ground yet again in the last two minutes. "come on, you're not even trying." Alec commented. 

"sorry. say something really rude to piss me off. I swear I'll be better then." Simon proclaimed as Alec pulled him to his feet.

"Im not going to do that. what's your problem?"

"we're not done. we always finish training before we talk. even if it is brief and it takes me forever to get anything out of you, I mean I get it I talk a lot and I'm annoying but if you hated me so viciously then you wouldn't train with me all the time- wait someone asked you to do it , didn't they? it was a clary and izzy scheme-"

"no. no one asked me to do it Simon. it's been four months of this, and I do talk to you. quite often, and you're not bad, and we've been at it for almost an hour. we can break and you can talk. so go on then, what is it?" Alec asked as the two of them cleared off the matts, Alec took a drink of water as Simon begun talking 

"look, training with you is enough, you don't have to listen-"

"Simon. just talk." Alec persisted, their training wasn't going to be efficient unless Simon's mind was clear, and Alec didn't mind listening to Simon vent. surely over the last few months Alec's shared things with Simon as they swung at each other back and fourth. 

Simon sighed and leaned on the wall. "right. it's....there's this boy." he explained. 

"ah. there it is. what happened?" the tall shadowhunter questioned, sitting up on the table across from Simon. 

Simons voice was uneasy when he spoke, but filled with certainty and a hint of sadness, "I fell in love with him."

"excuse-excuse me? how long have you known him?" Alec raised an eyebrow. 

"well we've been sleeping together for five months. and that's...all we are. all we should be. and I know..falling in love is such this...weird..term. and I hate it, especially at my age. I mean I'm seventeen, I'm an idiot. I don't know anything, much less how love feels. I haven't experienced anything."

"you've been through a lot. you loved clary. for years." Alec pointed out. 

"this is worse Alec, because I've gotten to see what it's like to be with him for so long. i...I can blatantly tell it's nothing to him." Simon let out. 

"oh. so this is...a big deal."

"and it's gotten...we are a lot more close. I mean he's really sweet so I think the walking around town and doing things together is just him being nice, but I want him to stop being nice because it's made me fall in love with him. like...the kind where I'm not nervous to talk about it, or to him, he makes me okay enough that I don't feel like such a freak for being a walking panic attack."

"you're not a freak."

"but I used to feel like one."

"what if he does love you back?" Alec questioned. 

"he doesn't. if he did, he's a dumb ass. he deserves so much better...I'm not even being self deprecating, I mean it sounds like it but I'm being realistic....this boy deserves....every good thing in the world. and I'm...not that. you know? but he makes me feel like i am. which is just so bizarre. I don't know......" Simon shook his head and begun to look upset, so he changed the subject and pointed toward the sparring rods, "can we hit each other with sticks now?"

"why do you insist on calling them sticks- okay, you know what...never mind. no. Simon I think you should tell him. what's the worse that could happen?"

"he could hear me?"

a Alec sighs and a little smile creeps on his face as he jumps down and he puts his hands on Simons shoulders, "if you don't tell him, this feeling only gets worse. I couldn't imagine what it would be like if I hadn't ever mustered up the courage to kiss Magnus."

"right, rub your beautiful perfect relationship in my face, that makes me feel better. no way something like that happens for me, and expect for the two of you...love is fake and dumb and I'm starting to hate it."

"if he doesn't care for you, get drunk and show up at the loft, I'm pretty sure Magnus can help you fix a broken heart."

"but...what about...I'm not good enough for him. imagine if one of your siblings or someone you know brought me home like "hey look what I love" you'd be devastated." 

"I wouldn't be. Simon, stop sulking." Alec half demanded, which made Simon smile a little. 

 

\---

that night Jace enters the apartment, spinning his keys in his fingers as he kicks his shoes off next to the door. Jace can hear Simons record player playing music as soon as Jace walks in the front door and he walks down the hall way to Simons open bedroom door.  
Simon's sitting on the ground flipping through a bin of records and Jace sits next to him.

"you left me last night. which is okay I mean, it's not like.....just you came over to go to sleep because most nights you do sleep here. and then you left, and I asked if it was what I said. you said no, but you lied. you should tell me when I cross lines, otherwise this will be weird. i didn't mean to get to personal." Simon informs Jace, not even turning to look at him, but he didn't sound annoyed. he was just talking. Jace shifted back on one arm and lifted his other arm up and ran his fingers up and down Simons back, tracing his skin as Simon continued to flip through his record collection.

"I know I left, I...it wasn't you. you didn't say anything wrong. I wouldn't lie. I just....needed to clear my head. you know? I promise it wasn't what you said, it wasn't too personal. say what you want to say to me, anytime. I swear I don't mind. I would say something if I did."

"are you alright?" Simon inquired. 

 

"yeah. I feel better, especially after seeing you." Jace let out, and Simon looked back at him and smiled. he moved so he was now sitting on Jace's lap in the middle of the floor and straddling his waist, he promptly begun kissing Jace. 

"You know you have a bed, right? granted sometimes we use other surfaces but-" Jace trailed off when Simon was just looking at him, that look in his eyes he gets when he's excited and rambling about something he loves. "what?" Jace cocked his head. "nothing. just, after spending the afternoon with Alec beating my ass in the training room like always, it's just nice to be with someone who's not going to break my ribs with a stick. he actually goes easier on me than izzy does."

"why do you insist on calling them 'sticks,' it makes them less- you know what, never mind. and just so you know, I can kill you with one of those things."

"oh I'm fully aware, it's kind of attractive, that's just not...exactly how we choose to spend our time." Simon informed him as his hands pushed son of Jace's hair back as he went in to kiss him. 

they were interrupted by Maia who knocked before walking in, "hey-" she looked down at them and cocked her head, "your bed is merely feet away. you're aware of that, correct?" she inquired.

"No, Maia, I truly had no idea." Simon replied sarcastically. 

Jace squeezed his leg, "i brought dinner for us." Jace told her, she nodded. "I saw. I was coming to ask about that, I'm assuming the vegetables and burrito is yours?" Maia asked Jace. 

"indeed they are. here-" Jace shifted and Simon got off of him, "well come eat dinner with you, well....at least I will, Simon will just sit their creepily and watch." Jace smiled pulling Simon to his feet. Simon shoved Jace back a little but Jace only retaliated by wrapping his arm around Simons middle and kissing his forehead. 

"can we watch Brooklyn nine nine?" Simon questioned.

"you mean like always? of course." Maia replied.

-

Magnus came into his and Alec's loft after a long day and proceeded to dramatically lay across the couch. he heard Alec laugh a little as he made his way over there, climbing on top of Magnus and becoming parallel to him. 

"you alright?" Alec asked his boyfriend, Magnus reached up to pull Alec down to kiss him.

"I am now. long day is all, some clients just make my head spin." he assured Alec and sat up a little so Alec could lay with his head resting on magnus ribs.

"how was Jace? he was gone before I came back? did he talk to you?" Alec asked Magnus looking up. "He did. he's alright."

"was I right? is he seeing someone?" Alec wondered.

"indeed he is, Alexander. he didn't tell me not to tell you, in fact later after we talked and were in the kitchen, he mentioned he wished you would've known since the beginning of it all, five months ago. but now he's too scared of losing it." Magnus replied running a hand through Alec's hair. Alec'a eyebrows raised. 

"five months? that's funny because I managed to get Simon to explain what's been bothering him, apparently there's this boy he's been seeing for five months and he's in love with him, but he thinks the guy is way too good for him. he swore up and down it wasn't like self deprication- he just genuinely believed this guy was essentially an angel."

and they just look at each other for a moment, "those boys are such dumbasses." Magnus shook his head.

"yeah." Alec agreed, "they'll eventually get it together though." Alec shrugged before yawning.

"do you wanna go to bed, darling?" Magnus breathed out. Alec nodded and the he climbed off Magnus who then acted as if he was too exhausted to stand or move, so Alec had to lug him to the bedroom.

 

\--


	4. Chapter 4

Jace walked through the cutting wind as he strolled to get coffee one day, late in the morning. it was a few days after he and Magnus had that chat about Simon and the whole conversation was playing on repeat in his head. he got brought out of his thoughts by his phone ringing. 

“hello?” jace asked tucking his phone between his ear and his shoulder as he zipped his jacket.

“something went wrong. it was a trap, our mission has changed. we’re not chasing after some low level rouge warlock, we’re chasing after one with the intent to kill vampires.” Alec’s voice came through the other end

“vampires- that explains all the suspects of shadow hunters going rouge, and clans thinking we’re killing them. what happened on the mission this morning? you didn’t go, did you?”

“no. no, I’m fine. there’s two shadowhunters in the infirmary...but...last minute...they brought Simon, because Alaric wasn’t here and they needed watch. he’s not here. no one else came back, no one found- holy shit.”

“what? what?! Alec!” Jace shouted, he couldn’t even move.

“you should get here. soon.” Alec replied and ended the call.

Jace doesn’t even remember his feet getting him to the institute but he remembers the blur ending and stopping at the infirmary door to see Simon covered in blood, unconscious, and large gashes in his body. one of the shadowhunters sat up, “he saved our lives. got the demon away from us. he didn’t even think about it.”

-

an hour later, Alec, Magnus, Izzy, Maia, clary, a silent brother, and a few other people have rotated in and out of that room. Simon hasn’t woken up yet. it was a relief when a silent brother said he was still alive. or as alive as any vampire could be. 

“does that mean he’ll be okay?” magnus had asked, and jace remembered his own heart sinking with the silent brother told him no. “if he’s not awake within the next 24 hours, he’s dead. Vampires don’t stay unconscious unless magic is involved. Simon was incredibly injured and there’s venom in his veins.”

the words “if he’s not awake within the next 24 hours, he’s dead,” play on a constant cycle in jaces brain every time he glances at the clock. it’s been 5 seconds since the last time he looked at the clock. but some how it feels way longer, because five seconds less he might have with Simon.

 

19 hours left  
Jace left the infirmary for 5 and half minutes to shower, and punch the wall so hard his knuckles probably broke. but no one needs to know that. he stopped in his way back out from his bedroom and pulled open the first drawer in the bedside table, it was a bunch of polaroids of him and Simon. only one of them was inappropriate, the rest were sweet. they were funny. Jace wondered if he knew himself had feelings for Simon this whole time. all he knew is that it’s taken Simon to almost die, to possibly die for him to even think about coming forward with his feelings. Jace bites all that back and buried it. it’s not about him, it’s about Simon. it’s about Simon. 

it’s for Simon 

he’s crying for Simon, is what jace tells himself when Simon manages to look more dead then when he left a few minutes ago. he’s not crying for himself, that single tear running down his cheek and the burning in his throat isn’t because the light of his life is on the bed in front of him, not healing the way he should because the venom in his veins, looking like hell. one of his rib bones was visible due to a deep gash when he first came in. the venom had gotten into him deeply and quickly, vampires hardly stood a chance against the demon that got Simon. their main prey is vampires. 

 

10 hours  
Magnus followed Jace out on the balcony and put a hand on jaces lower back, “blodnje, darling. you can talk to me. I know it’s him, I know that’s your boy. but something else is going on, usually you’re an impulsive idiot and you go after who did this. I’m not condoning this, I like the planner have but you never just-“

“he hated when I did that. acted out impulsively instead of dealt with my feelings. he wanted me to learn to cope and not put myself in danger.”

“he cared.” Magnus reassured Jace as he pet down the back of jaces hair 

“cares. still does. he’s not gone yet Magnus.” Jace Informed the warlock. it wasn’t snappy, it was somber, shaky. 

“I know. I meant when he said that. why don’t you go get some sleep.” Magnus offered

“I’m not leaving him.”

“I figured as much. You can sleep in the infirmary. I’ve seen Alec do it when you got hurt. but I suppose people will suspect you-“

“I don’t care what they suspect. he could die and I never told him...I’m going back in there.”

 

4 hours  
it’s 5 am and no ones rushing around, Jace is blinking awake in the bed he slept in next to Simon’s. the beds empty. it’s folded up nicely, and there’s a few drops of blood on the floor. 

did they move Simon without waking him? did they presume Simon dead with four hours left? 

Jaces mind raced as he got up, and he realized all the people standing at the door way, it was magnus, Izzy, Alec, Maia, Lydia, clary, the silent brothers, an envoy from the clave.

“it’s time to let go jace. we’re sorry to-“

“no. no. four hours left. he has-“

“the venom progressed. he wasn’t going to wake up. Izzy could prove-“

“no. no. where is he? let me see him-“

“Jace we can’t-“

Jace pushed past them and ran into the hall way, his feet carried him down the stairs and he saw two silent brothers carrying him away and jace ran after them, it all seemed slow motion, Alec grabbing Jace and holding him back. 

“I never even got-“ Jace started to shout before they were all calling for him to back off. his name echoing in his head but he felt his chest imploding.

“Jace!” “jace you have to let go!” “jace!”  
“Jace it’s okay!” “jace!” “come on jace”

and jaces world seemed to stop. he felt dizzy. he felt sick.  
this is what he gets for waiting, Simon didn’t have anyone to fight for him, to fight for. being alone in this world, the shadowhunter one especially is more dangerous than being unarmed. you have nothing if you’re alone, and jace knew that. and Simon is the one who taught him to fully let people in, void his siblings. flashes of their best moments seemed to roll in jaces mind like a movie skipping through the best scenes. and then it all just went black, the institute doors closed. Jace was sitting on the floor and he felt hollow.  
Simon, sprightly, generous, darling, nerdy, Simon, was just...gone. the second time he’s watched Simon die. 

“Jace.” Alec said as he sat down next to him.

Jace couldn’t focus on anything, having Alec there helped a little but it’s like he could hear Simon’s voice still, ears ringing, eyes burning, chest in pain. and he hears it, he can just imagine it.

“just breathe. you’re alright.” Simon’s voice fills his mind, he’s heard Simon reassure him so many times it’s like when you get your favorite song stuck in your head, but this time it’s like the radio station is turned off permanently, and the song never plays again.

and then it’s like he blinks and enough time has gone by that they’re all standing where they buried him. he couldn’t be a normal vampire and turn to ash, no he had to carry their suffering on. Jace notes the ringing in his ears coming back as he choked out tears. He didn’t realize he was crying. he closed his eyes to try and stop the head ache but he summoned Simon’s voice again, “just focus okay? relax, you’re okay. Jace- jace-“

and then Jace opened his eyes, and he shot up from the infirmary bed. “Jesus, are you having bad dreams again? Jace-“ Simon rasped our running a hand through jaces hair, and jace just kissed him.

“hey-“

“it shouldn’t have taken you dying..almost dying...it shouldn’t. I was going to tell you, but...Simon you dying...it would wreck me. don’t die.” Jace got out before tears filled his eyes. 

“I’m sorry it got more than sleeping together, but-“ jace started again.

“don’t be. the last thing I remember thinking when I heard mumbles about me not making it is how much  
I’m going to miss you rolling your eyes at something stupid I said, or seeing you and Rebecca laughing together. dont act surprised. everyone falls in love with you jace. I just intend to stay there.” Simon said with their foreheads against each other. Jace kisses him lightly.

“you still look like shit.” Jace said, and Simon and him both started laughing with their teary eyes.

“so...you really mean it? you’re not just confused because I almost died?” Simon asked

Jace shook his head and traced Simon’s cheek bone, “no, ask magnus, I vented about you. I went to magnus with boy problems. that’s how much you mean to me. okay? never doubt that. I’m not losing you again without you realizing you’re one of the best things to happen to me.”

“well...I knew that one already.” Simon whispered, causing both boys to stop and look at each other, then proceed to laugh.

“here, let me go get you some blood. then we’ll have Magnus look over you, and then you can shower and crash in my room. sound like a plan?” jace asked grinning as went in to kiss the boy that was no longer a secret love. 

-

Six days later when the case is all wrapped up and everyone’s at the bar, Jace and Simon walk in together, and jace looks at Simon before putting an arm around his shoulder.  
“you really don’t have to-“  
“I want to. admitting it to you was the hardest part. because I could’ve lost you. this? showing my hot ass boyfriend off to everyone? that’s the fun part. I promise. come on. Alec saved us seats.”

“don’t drink too much, please?”

“I won’t. I swear. I love you, you know?”

“I love you too”


End file.
